When Reconciliation Is Forced, Not Chosen
Sometimes peace is demanded from the person who was harmed.
I’ve noticed that systems often rush towards reconciliation before accountability has happened.
People are encouraged to move on.
To repair the relationship.
To accept an apology.
To meet halfway.
But reconciliation is not meaningful when it is pressured, managed, or expected.
For Deaf and disabled people, this can be especially harmful.
Access failures are minimised.
Power imbalances are ignored.
Harm is reframed as misunderstanding.
The person affected is asked to be reasonable before the system has taken responsibility.
This is not healing.
It is pressure.
Forced reconciliation protects comfort.
It makes the harm easier for others to move past, while the person affected is left carrying what was never properly addressed.
Repair cannot be demanded from someone who has not been heard.
Trust cannot be rebuilt through process alone.
And accountability cannot be replaced with politeness.
Reconciliation should be chosen freely, with full understanding, safety, and time.
Anything else is control with softer language.
