Sometimes I wonder what my hearing sons will remember when they think about growing up in our Deaf family.
Not only the moments when communication mattered.
Not only the times when other people noticed that their parents were Deaf.
But the ordinary things that became part of their childhood without needing explanation.
They are growing up with BSL, Deaf family life and different ways of communicating.
Those things belong to their story too.
I sometimes notice how easily CODA childhood can be described through the Deaf parent.
What the child did for us.
What they understood.
What they noticed.
What they had to navigate.
But I don't want their childhood to be understood only through my Deafness.
They have their own relationships with language.
Their own feelings about belonging.
Their own memories of family life.
Some experiences may feel important to them one day.
Others may simply feel like home.
And I cannot decide which will be which.
As their mum, I can recognise the different experiences that shape their childhood without deciding what those experiences mean to them.
Their connection to Deafness is not simply an extension of mine.
Their childhood belongs to them.
And how they understand it, over time, belongs to them too.
REFLECTIVE QUESTION
What does it mean to give CODA children space to understand their own relationship with language, belonging and Deaf family life?
