Gaslighting as a Tool of Power
Sometimes harm is made harder to name by making people doubt what happened.
I’ve noticed that Deaf and disabled people are often expected to question their own experience before systems question their own behaviour.
Gaslighting does not always sound obvious.
It can sound calm.
Professional.
Concerned.
Reasonable.
But the impact is still real.
You misunderstood.
That was not what we meant.
You are being too sensitive.
No one else has raised this.
When these responses are used to avoid accountability, they become a tool of power.
The focus shifts away from the harm.
Away from the barrier.
Away from the decision that caused the impact.
Instead, the person affected is made to defend their memory, tone, reaction, or understanding.
For Deaf people, this can happen when access failures are minimised, communication barriers are reframed as confusion, or concerns are treated as overreaction.
This is not clarification.
It is control.
Gaslighting protects systems by making lived experience seem unreliable.
It turns harm into doubt.
And doubt into silence.
People should not have to prove their reality before systems take responsibility for their impact.
