Refusing to See Myself as the Problem
There was a time when I absorbed blame without realising it.
When tension appeared around me, I assumed I must be the cause.
If something didn't work, I looked inward first.
Not with curiosity.
With quiet self-accusation.
I replayed conversations.
I softened my words.
I questioned my reactions, my needs, and my presence.
It took a long time to notice the pattern.
That I was holding more than was mine.
That I was adjusting in ways that left less of me each time.
The shift didn't come all at once.
It came slowly.
Through reflection.
Through exhaustion.
Through the realisation that constantly fixing myself wasn't making anything healthier.
It was just making me smaller.
Refusing to see myself as the problem didn't make me defensive.
It made something steadier.
I still reflect.
I still grow.
But I no longer begin from blame.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped breaking myself down to keep other things intact.
I'm still learning what is mine to carry.
