What Resilience Has Cost Me and Given Me
I remember the feeling of not being able to stop.
Even when I was tired.
Even when something in me wanted to pause.
I kept going.
Resilience didn't feel like strength then.
It felt like holding everything together, tight enough that nothing slipped.
There were moments when I didn't notice how much I was carrying.
How quickly I moved past things.
How little space there was to rest inside myself.
Being capable became automatic.
And somewhere in that, I stopped expecting to be held.
Over time, something began to shift.
Not all at once.
Just small moments where I didn't push through in the same way.
Where I let things be unfinished.
Where I didn't rush to keep everything steady.
It felt unfamiliar at first.
Like I was loosening my grip on something that had carried me for a long time.
But there was something else there too.
A different kind of steadiness.
Quieter.
Less held together.
More space to stay with myself, without tightening around everything.
I'm still learning what that kind of strength feels like.
