CODA Reflections
CODA Childhood Holds Its Own Identity
Growing up with BSL and Deaf family life is part of my hearing sons' childhood. But what those experiences mean to them, and how they understand their identities, belongs to them.
When Childhood Responsibilities Follow Us
Childhood responsibilities can become familiar over time. As a Deaf mother, I reflect on the difference between children helping and adults expecting them to take responsibility for communication.
Letters and Phone Calls Are Not a Child’s Job
A letter arrives. A phone call needs answering. Children may offer to help, but accessible adult communication shouldn't depend on them taking responsibility for it.
School Communication Should Not Fall to Children
Children go to school to learn, build friendships and develop confidence. They shouldn't also be expected to manage communication between school staff and their Deaf parents.
No Two CODA Childhoods Carry the Same Weight
My two hearing sons are growing up in the same Deaf family, but that doesn't mean their experiences will hold the same meaning. No two CODA childhoods should be measured against each other.
Children Should Not Have to Be the Bridge Between Worlds
Growing up connected to Deaf and hearing people can bring different perspectives and ways of communicating. But belonging to those worlds shouldn't mean being responsible for holding them together.
Confidentiality Should Never Rest on a Child’s Shoulders
Children can become aware of personal or emotional information simply by being nearby. But hearing something private doesn't make them responsible for managing it, keeping secrets or protecting adults.
Medical Spaces Are Not Places for Children to Interpret
A child may want to help during a medical appointment, but that doesn't make them responsible for interpreting private information or important decisions. Accessible healthcare communication should not depend on children.
Love Should Never Replace Professional Access
A child may genuinely want to help a Deaf parent out of love. But that willingness should never replace professional communication support when it is needed.
Expectation Is Not the Same as Choice
A child may genuinely want to help. But when that help becomes expected, the freedom to say no can become harder to recognise. A Deaf mother's reflection on choice and responsibility.
Childhood Should Not Be Measured by Maturity
Children are sometimes praised for being responsible, helpful and mature beyond their years. But what might adults be overlooking when they focus on how capable a child appears?
Access Is an Adult Responsibility
A child may offer to help with communication, but that doesn't make them responsible for adult conversations. As a Deaf mother, I believe access should be provided by the adults and services involved.